Who knows why, but for some reason, our Chevron card has become a “convenience”.  There happens to be a Chevron right around the corner from our neighborhood and ARGH, we have started running there for little convenience things.  Want some ice cream? Run to Chevron.  No cash for bread?  Run to Chevron.  Not enough time to run to Costco (where gas is the least expensive)? Run to Chevron where gas is very expensive.

Ok, today I am chopping up the Chevron cards.  There is absolutely NO reason for us to have one.  We are on essentially a cash budget (debit card works fine for gas) so the only reason we use Chevron is when we want to either not spend our cash or when we want something when we don’t have cash available - in both cases, WE DON’T NEED whatever it is we want.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not canceling the Chevron account, only chopping up the cards making it impossible for us to use them.  There’s a whole debate about canceling one’s credit cards and right now, we are not willing to start attacking our credit by closing up cards.   We want to reduce our auto/homeowners insurance expense and having a higher credit score is key for that so… credit needs to get better (not terrible, just not premium).

This is so frustrating… being so incredibly tight financially that we are not able to purchase even a $2 coffee at Starbucks without it breaking the bank. Don’t get me wrong, we haven’t purchased a coffee drink or other fast drink in months, it’s just that it is frustrating not having any, ANY, disposable income, not even 50c.

The part that makes it the most frustrating is realizing that honestly, we should be living like this all the time – very aware of the money we almost literally throw away. Mismanage is a better term.

The kids are not involved in any sports this year – we simply don’t have any money. We aren’t going camping or on any little excursions, they cost more than just hanging out at home. We aren’t involved in any extra events whatsoever. What we do have is spent on gas and groceries. Anything extra, if there is any, is saved for unplanned for things like: realizing the kids need another piece of curriculum to finish their schooling, the spigot on the house breaks, a child wants his bike repaired, etc. etc. etc.

Our refrigerator isn’t working properly and we need to replace it. The “computer” or “sensor” in our washing machine is malfunctioning. Sometimes it’s cleaning clothes, sometimes it’s not and in all cases, it isn’t spinning when it’s supposed to so clothes are coming out soaked. Plus, putting anything more than ¼ load in it is a death knell, it thinks it’s off balance, no matter how you arrange it. It’s a catch 22, do we spend several hundred dollars on trying to fix it or, do we go ahead and replace it with the washer we want: a front loader that holds more, uses less water and spins the clothes practically dry (thereby using less energy in the dryer)?

We have a tax return coming and it is frustrating knowing that we need to spend a chunk of it on a washer and refrigerator instead of paying off a high interest rate credit card. FRUSTRATING.

But wait. As I’m writing this, I’m remember something… it seems as though when you fully commit to something, things will happen to try to break your resolve.Hum… Fridge, washer, car (yeah, that is being ornery too)… well fine. As long as we do not go further into debt and buy needless things or mismanage our money, I’m just not going to worry about it.

It’s a journey that begins with a conscious decision, a first step: deciding that being debt free is a top priority, that having debt is no longer an option. I equate it to the same thoughts as a marriage ending in divorce: if you enter a marriage without first deciding that no matter what, divorce is not an option, you will end up in divorce. So, from this point on, no matter what, debt is not an option.

I’ve decided to share our process, albeit anonymously for now. There will be ups and downs, achievements and failures. It’s called life and we live it on a daily basis. It’s also likely that most of our life will spill into this process, choices we make, investments in our relationships, etc. I hope to share the thought process going on in my head, even the politically incorrect and judgmental thoughts, you know the ones that flash through your head that you wouldn’t really share out loud, yes those.